Friends, last week we left you with ol’ Randy just looking an awful sight. His poor old neck had been broken so loudly that it silenced a screaming crowd. And rather than calling the Emergency Medical Technicians (EMTs) and getting the sweet boy in an ambulance, a couple of no-goods just loaded him up in their car. And rather than driving the boy gently down the road and dropping him off at a local hospital to convalesce, these skunks took him over to Ripper’s gym and threw him out of a moving car. And rather than Randy just letting go and embracing the sweet release of sleep or the sweet release of death, this exhausted young man was forced into a conversation with Ripper while he choked, sputtered, and, ultimately, convulsed. It was just a sorry affair all the way around.
But don’t worry, folks, this Randy is one tough kid, and he made it through. In fact, this week opens in the hospital, Randy in the O.R., Ripper in the throes an existential crisis. This is not only a powerful moment in the script but an illustrative one as well. For one, we finally get to see Dennis Hackin’s original vision for the scene as we read his draft of the script. More than that, we get to compare Hack’s draft to Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon’s final version as seen in the movie, a version far more grounded in Hulk’s acting range.
And guys, that’s just the first couple paragraphs. There’s a hell of a lot more we’re about to cover. We’ve got suspense. We’ve got riveting action and a possible jump scare. We’ve got pulse-pounding drama. And we’ve got the tender, moving bonds of good friends and family. Will Randy survive his surgery? Will Ripper make it out the other side? What will Sam do while she’s waiting? Will Charlie catch some Zs? You’ll have to tune in to find out.
And for the cherry on top, we’ll also be discussing casinos, cuts of meat, Jared Fogle, juice, My Left Foot, Morgan Freeman, The Empire Strikes Back, Bo Jackson, AC/DC, Slim Pickens, Coal Chamber, Mozart, Frankensteins, Monty Hall, holograms, and Barney Fife. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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Welcome back, everybody. It’s been exactly 14 days since we released our annual Valentine’s Day episode. To celebrate that most romantic of holidays, we of course continued our review of the No Holds Barred script written by Dennis Hackin and compared it to the final version written by Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. And of course, we got to read about the first true romantic advances between Ripper and Samantha N. Moore. It was a scene filled with charm, a scene filled with laughter, and, ultimately, a scene filled with white-hot eroticism.
Now I ask you this. When you’ve just covered a scene so sensual, so incredibly steamy that your glasses fogged up just listening to it, how can you possibly follow it up? Well, if you answered that, of course, you follow it up with a wrestling-based children’s charity field day, then, my friend, you just might have a future in this business…’cause that’s exactly where ol’ Hack is headed next.
Now let’s take it one step further. How does one proceed after a scene of sexual tension so taut that Philippe Petit's could walk across it, followed by a wrestling-based children’s charity field day? Well, once again, that question has but one answer, and that’s to cut to a brutal, and quite realistic, sexual assault.
And finally, dear listener, let me ask you this. Really put your screenwriter hat on, and give this one some thought. In a 1989 children’s movie, how should one follow a scene of high erotic passion, a wrestling-based children’s charity field day, and a brutal and realistic sexual assault? Well, folks, the answer to that one is both deceptively simple and breathtakingly elegant. Of course, what you should do is have one of your main characters viciously beaten within an inch of his life.
And that’s how it’s done folks. That’s how modern masters like Dennis Hackin, Hulk Hogan, and Vince McMahon make their money. That’s why they’re on speed dial for any director worth his salt. That’s why they’ve got Walk of Fame stars in Hollywood, Bollywood, and Dollywood. That’s why they’re true-blue American heroes.
But of course, folks, that was just the introduction. There’s a hell of a lot more to it. If you want the real skinny on this script, on who came up with which ideas, on what those ideas say about the author, and if you want the real skinny on helicopter terminology, then you better pop in those ear bud units, press play on your podcast listening device, and buckle up. You’re in for one hell of a wild ride.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
Follow Magnolia Brown on Facebook (facebook.com/MagnoliaBrownJams) and Reverb Nation (ReverbNation.com/MagnoliaBrownJams)