Christmas is here again, and that means it’s time for four second annual holiday spectacular. This Christmas, we’re defying two of our comedic heroes, Scott Aukerman and Paul F. Tompkins, by joking about the 2004 film “I, Robot.” If you’re confused, don’t worry; we’ll explain what we’re talking in the episode.
We’ll be answering many of the questions presented by this movie. Is Will Smith a good detective or just a maniac? Why are so many of the movie’s plot points introduced and quickly abandoned? Why do robots have eyebrows? And many more. Plus Clint reads a Christmas classic, and we talk about pies. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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This week we’re back with our fifth installment reviewing the original Dennis Hackin draft of the No Holds Barred script – and of course comparing his version to the final Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon rewrite. Up first, we’ll be meeting the four fearsome entrants to the No Holds Barred Battle of the Tough-Guy Challenge (ignoring late entrants Neanderthal (a.k.a. Bubba) and Zeus for now). You heard that right, folks. It isn’t just the three entrants you know and love from the movie (Klondike Kramer, Brock Chisler, and Bulldog McPherson). No, in fact, an entirely new contender has emerged – one with a strictly Dennis Hackin origin and a very interesting quirk.
We’ll also be covering two scenes from the script aren’t in the movie at all. We won’t give it away here, but let’s just say that you’ll be getting a partial origin story for one of the movie’s most iconic characters, and another of Ripper’s (aka Rip’s) many talents will be revealed.
And as if that weren’t enough, we’ll be covering walnuts, butt plugs, cock rings, Pee Wee, forklifts, Cheryl Hines, Jacob’s family’s favorite cocktails, Joe Frazier, Mad Men, Mark Henry, prison bodybuilding, and the state of medical care in wrestling. Also, this week marks the return of one of the finest impersonations ever heard on this program. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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This week finds up back in the No Holds Barred script and covering yet another standout scene from the movie: Brell, Orbach (a.k.a. Ordway), and Unger’s first visit to Spike’s Bar (a.k.a. The No Count Bar). And while the original Dennis Hackin screenplay version is at least structurally very similar to the later Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon rewrite as seen in the movie, there are some very key differences for us to explore. Actually, a few of the more bizarre elements from this scene are included specifically in one version but not the other, so this scene in particular gives us a window into the strange internal lives of screenwriters Dennis Hackin, Hulk Hogan, and Vince McMahon. In addition to the script analysis, this episode features Clint’s long-awaited take on the Louis C.K. sexual harassment scandal, his encyclopedic knowledge of early American explorers and STDs, an apology to Dennis Hackin, a discussion of the extended theatrical run for No Holds Barred in Brazil, one of Jacob’s frightening alter-egos, and Jacob desperately trying (and failing) to remember the movie title “Requiem for a Heavyweight.” Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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This week, we’re back to our coverage of No Holds Barred with one of the more memorable scenes from the movie: Rip’s romantic dinner with Samantha N. Moore at the world’s fanciest French restaurant. And of course, in this case, we’re actually taking a look at this scene from an early draft of the script – a draft written by acclaimed novelist Dennis Hackin – and comparing it to the movie version penned by equally acclaimed writers Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. Now, as interesting as this scene is in the movie – and remember that among other things, it features Hulk Hogan wearing a Matlock suit and speaking French – this script version might be even more impressive. You’ll have to tune in to see why. And as if that weren’t enough, we also cover topics like horses, orange sherbet, Chopped, Marlon Brando, Li’l Wayne, Rocky Balboa, George H.W. Bush, and two of Clint’s new aliases. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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We were working in the lab late one night when our eyes beheld an eerie sight...it was a Twitter DM from Rock Talk to see if we wanted to record a crossover with them. Spooky!
So this week, we’ll be covering Walking Tall - an early starring vehicle for The Rock and perhaps the worst film in the long career of Michael Bowen. Don’t miss it.
And in the spirit of Halloween, our friends from the podcast “Rock Talk: A Guide to the Films of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson” will be covering a Hulk Hogan film - the venerable No Holds Barred. So be sure to subscribe to their podcast and check out their take on this 1989 Hulk Hogan classic as well as any other Rock Talk episodes you’ve missed.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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Last episode, we narrowly escaped a hammerhead upside our fishbrain noggins. This week, we brave that danger once again to cover an early version of the No Holds Barred screenplay – a version written by Bronco Billy’s own Dennis Hackin. And just like the theatrical version, these early scenes are a pulse-pounding thrill ride. In fact, this week, we witness not one but two corporate strategy meetings (the third and fourth of the screenplay so far), a discussion of French antiques, the art of salary negotiation, and perhaps the most iconic scene of No Holds Barred. And as always, in comparing this Dennis Hackin draft of the screenplay to the rewrite penned by Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon, we search for clues into the authorial method, the madness, or perhaps the overwhelming emptiness at the core of these two titans of sports entertainment.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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How long would it take to cover a 93 minute movie about a sociopathic professional wrestler? We thought the answer was 17 episodes when we wrapped up our film coverage in our last show, but as it turns out, the story of No Holds Barred is more, much more than its perfected theatrical form. Particularly so when Hulk Hogan claims to have personally rewritten its screenplay in a small hotel room with Vince McMahon over what must have been a nightmarish 72 hours.
So this week we continue our No Holds Barred coverage by diving into an early draft of the screenplay - one submitted by acclaimed novelist and screenwriter Dennis Hackin. By comparing his version to the final film, we hope to gain insight into the authorial method and perhaps into the very souls of Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. Or maybe we’ll just talk about some dumb shit that’s in the screenplay and not the movie, or vice-versa. You’ll have to tune in to find out.
We also discuss Rob Zombie, impotence, Steve Jobs, Jerome Bettis, Hulk Hogan church attendance, and Limp Bizkit. And most importantly, we make a long overdue apology to a former guest on the show. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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Very few podcasts would spend three episodes covering any movie. Even fewer would spend three episodes on a universally panned, 20-year-old movie about a fictional professional wrestler, played by an actual professional wrestler with no acting talent. And only one would spend three extra episodes on content they may have missed in 14 prior episodes covering that movie. If you haven’t guessed it yet, we are that very podcast. This week, we’re back for our 17th episode on No Holds Barred, Hulk Hogan’s first starring role in a film. In this third and final installment of things we missed, we’ll cover alternate endings, feats of strength, background acting, bell ringing, Oscar De La Hoya, watches, Jimi Hendrix, the southeastern U.S. real estate market, and Jacob’s long-overdue apology to a friend of the show and former guest. Don’t miss it.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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This week we once again welcome Stephen Perlstein – comedian, writer, and cohost of the podcasts “You Should Love Wrestling” and “I Love You and I Like You: A Parks and Recreation Podcast.” Like us, Stephen is not a wrestling fan, so logically, we have both started podcasts to discuss wrestlers for hundreds of hours, watched an absurd number of wrestling matches, and now join each other on this podcast for a two hour conversation about famous wrestler Hulk Hogan. Here in hour two of that discussion, we review all things Hulk Hogan – including bandanas, occupational therapy, the 1998 romantic comedy “You’ve Got Mail,” Whitney Cummings, Vanna White, fossil fuels, campaign financing, and bodyslam technique. Don’t miss it.
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Subscribe to Stephen’s podcast “You Should Love Wrestling” and follow @YSLWPodcast
Subscribe to Stephen’s podcast “I Love You and I Like You: A Parks and Recreation Podcast”
Check out Stephen’s podcast network: Boardwalk Audio
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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It can be a lonely life when you don't like wrestling but end up devoting most of your time to studying a wrestler. So when we find a kindred spirit like Stephen Perlstein of the You Should Love Wrestling podcast, we get pretty excited and take up an unreasonable amount of his time. In fact, we talked to Stephen for so long that we had to split the conversation over two episodes. Here in part 1, we discuss topics like Hulk Hogan's personal hygiene, tanning regimen, and golden toilets, as well as REO Speedwagon, hometown heroes, cat diets, Nu Metal, zoo attendance, pasta, and Terry Bollea’s penis. Don’t miss it.
Follow Stephen Perlstein on Twitter @Perlstein
Subscribe to Stephen’s podcast “You Should Love Wrestling” and follow @YSLWPodcast
Subscribe to Stephen’s podcast “I Love You and I Like You: A Parks and Recreation Podcast”
Check out Stephen’s podcast network: Boardwalk Audio
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
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After 14 episodes exhaustively reviewing the 93 minute film No Holds Barred, a lot of podcasts would call it a day. A lot of podcasts would pat themselves on the back and go enjoy spending some time with their family, reading a good book, relaxing at the beach, or perhaps moving on to one of the many other films that their subject starred in. We’re not naming names. But unlike those other guys, Clint and Jacob are professionals. They leave no stone unturned. If they’ve got to jump through a limo roof, brave a hall of mirrors, shit their pants, or even use two different types of rowing machines, they’ll do it to bring you the most comprehensive analysis of No Holds Barred in modern history. So this week, they’re back with part two of things they missed the first time through the movie. Along the way, they’ll also cover patriotism, blackjack, orthodontics, and Jacob’s encyclopedic knowledge of Indian history. Don’t miss it.
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This week, we conclude our discussion of No Holds Barred with friend of the show Blake Collier. On his podcast, “The Body The Blood,” they pair a recent horror film with an older one, examine both in a historical, theological, and sociological context, and discuss thematic and structural similarities between the films. In this episode, we follow their lead by presenting a list of films to pair with the 1989 Thomas J. Wright masterwork No Holds Barred. And to keep things light, we continue to discuss bestiality, suicide, AIDS, and male pattern baldness. Don’t miss it.
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This week, we welcome friend of the show Blake Collier for a more nuanced and scholarly discussion of No Holds Barred. On Blake’s podcast, “The Body The Blood,” they pair a recent horror film with an older one, examine both in a historical, theological, and sociological context, and discuss thematic and structural similarities between the films. In this episode, we attempt to bring the same intellectual rigor to No Holds Barred. Along the way, we discuss Texas geography, horse dicks, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Greek mythology, and much more. Don’t’ miss it.
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After 13 episodes, you’d have to agree that we’ve covered No Holds Barred more extensively than anyone else ever has. But alas, even we couldn’t get to everything. So this week, we return to Thomas J. Wright’s 1989 classic to reexamine any important points we may have missed. So sit back, relax, pop open a refreshing bottle of Stroh’s Light beer, and listen as we peel back yet another layer of this modern masterwork.
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This week we take a break from No Holds Barred to chat with stand-up comedian Brandon Davidson. We fully and definitively cover life, love, disgusting hotel rooms, Harley Race, Andre the Giant, eugenics in America, and more, so don’t miss it.
Check out Brandon’s website at iambrandondavidson.com
June 24 in Tyler, TX, come see Brandon performing stand-up at the ETX Brewing Company.
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How do you cap off a movie with a limo driver shitting himself, five corporate board meetings, and a pie/gun fight? Join us as we cover the climactic final scene of No Holds Barred to find out. Also, a Powers Boothe memorial rap and Randy's understanding of elevators.
We went off topic for a special episode to welcome some new fans, but now we’re back on track. When we last left No Holds Barred, Rip’s younger brother (Randy, a.k.a. Randy the Dipshit, a.k.a. Dumbass Randy) had just taken a brutal beating. He’s in pretty bad shape. He’ll need a lot of physical therapy and a little bit of love. Luckily, Rip is here to provide both. Plus, some talk about other podcasts, Clint’s movie theater neuroses, and a begrudging guest appearance from Clint’s long-suffering wife.
You may have heard about us on Never Not Funny. Start here to learn what we’re all about and hear clips from our discussions of the Rocky movies, No Holds Barred, and more. Grab a bag o’ corn, friend, and enjoy!
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Songs:
“Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
“Dangerous Drug” by Magnolia Brown
Episode Categories:
Introduction: Episodes 1-2
Wrestling: Episodes 3-5
Rocky: Episodes 6-14
No Holds Barred: Episodes 17, 19-27
Other: Episodes 7.5, 15, 16, 18
We've been clear in past episodes that we think Rip's little brother Randy, aka Dipshit Randy, aka Dumbass Randy, is a moron. This week, he proves us right. Find out how as we continue our review of No Holds Barred.
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Songs:
“Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown
“Dangerous Drug” by Magnolia Brown
Not many movies would stage a romantic scene, a children's field day, and a brutally realistic attempted rape back to back to back. But there aren't many movies like No Holds Barred. Listen in and feel safe. Because we hate it when you're hurt. Or scared. You know?
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It’s a tale as old as time. You’re on a business trip. You break up an armed robbery and murder two men using pies and plates of watermelon. You get stuck sharing a hotel room with a beautiful woman. As a gentleman, you divide the bed in half with a vertical sheet, swallow your toothpaste and mouthwash, do some bare-assed pushups in the middle of the night, and ruin it all by destroying the bed with an elbow drop. Find out how Hulk Hogan handles this classic situation as we continue our review of No Holds Barred.
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We hope your office didn't make dinner reservations, because we know just the place. Pie throwing, reckless endangerment of innocent lives, pie throwing, racist stereotypes, pie throwing and more in our discussion of the No Holds Barred diner scene.
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Welcome back to our extended review of the 1989 film No Holds Barred. It’s all action this week, with several brutal fights and only two corporate meetings. What’s more, we see Brell’s vision and well-placed sources pay off as he sets the next big thing in motion – Battle of the Tough Guys. Join us for all the pulse-pounding action as three of America’s finest fighters answer the call, Rip comes face-to-face with his nemesis (through a tiny basement television), we learn some critical backstory about Ordway, and we collect more vital clues about World Television Network’s corporate structure. The fire rises, brothers.
This week we continue our review of No Holds Barred, Hulk Hogan’s first starring role in a film. This episode, we find ourselves in the film’s longest scene so far, a daunting nine minutes of pulse-pounding action as we explore the dark and dangerous world of urban underground hillbilly fighting. Joining us will be our three favorite executives – Brell, Unger, and Ordway. Together we’ll be dealing with sources, big ideas, bathroom etiquette, and iconography. Also, we may discover a vital clue about the WTN corporate structure. Don’t miss it.
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Welcome to another installment of No Holds Barred, a gritty 1989 film about brutal, high-stakes street fighting. This week, we cover the fourth corporate board meeting in its first 20 minutes of runtime and a business dinner at an absurdly fancy French restaurant. Also featured are a fully clothed Joan Severance, the film debut of Raul Apartella, and the much anticipated conclusion of our NFL Playoff contest. It's a high octane thrill ride, so don't miss it.
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