Welcome back, everybody. It’s been exactly 14 days since we released our annual Valentine’s Day episode. To celebrate that most romantic of holidays, we of course continued our review of the No Holds Barred script written by Dennis Hackin and compared it to the final version written by Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon. And of course, we got to read about the first true romantic advances between Ripper and Samantha N. Moore. It was a scene filled with charm, a scene filled with laughter, and, ultimately, a scene filled with white-hot eroticism.
Now I ask you this. When you’ve just covered a scene so sensual, so incredibly steamy that your glasses fogged up just listening to it, how can you possibly follow it up? Well, if you answered that, of course, you follow it up with a wrestling-based children’s charity field day, then, my friend, you just might have a future in this business…’cause that’s exactly where ol’ Hack is headed next.
Now let’s take it one step further. How does one proceed after a scene of sexual tension so taut that Philippe Petit's could walk across it, followed by a wrestling-based children’s charity field day? Well, once again, that question has but one answer, and that’s to cut to a brutal, and quite realistic, sexual assault.
And finally, dear listener, let me ask you this. Really put your screenwriter hat on, and give this one some thought. In a 1989 children’s movie, how should one follow a scene of high erotic passion, a wrestling-based children’s charity field day, and a brutal and realistic sexual assault? Well, folks, the answer to that one is both deceptively simple and breathtakingly elegant. Of course, what you should do is have one of your main characters viciously beaten within an inch of his life.
And that’s how it’s done folks. That’s how modern masters like Dennis Hackin, Hulk Hogan, and Vince McMahon make their money. That’s why they’re on speed dial for any director worth his salt. That’s why they’ve got Walk of Fame stars in Hollywood, Bollywood, and Dollywood. That’s why they’re true-blue American heroes.
But of course, folks, that was just the introduction. There’s a hell of a lot more to it. If you want the real skinny on this script, on who came up with which ideas, on what those ideas say about the author, and if you want the real skinny on helicopter terminology, then you better pop in those ear bud units, press play on your podcast listening device, and buckle up. You’re in for one hell of a wild ride.
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Theme music: “Find My Way” by Magnolia Brown